Purposeful Planning Institute 2020 Rendezoom Reflections
What money messages did you learn as a child that no longer serve you?
Great question Amy Zehnder!
The first question that comes to mind is that growing up my dad taught me to be almost too cautious with money. It’s good to spend wisely. Some things are worth the extra money. For example, phone insurance (at least for my clumsy self).
Based on my dad’s ideas around money that I know of, it feels like he can be a bit of a miser around money sometimes (he knows when to treat his daughters though). We never really were SUPER wealthy growing up, but we were well off and had enough (probably because we bought cheap things and didn’t splurge too much). My dad still stressed about money especially around 2008 when he was in and out of several jobs. Being a single dad supporting 2 teen girls going to private school is hard without job security. Even with inheritance money from mom.
Now I and my sister are in control of our mom’s inheritance. The most important part comes from shares in a company my grandfather invested in. It’s nice to have this financial security, and there are times I think maybe I’d have more discipline if it wasn’t there. Maybe I’d be more focused and determined to finish projects. I try to stay grateful for it every month anyway. It allows me to live comfortably in an expensive city.
Then, there’s the fact that I found out that towards the end of my grandfather’s life (or at least work-life) he, for some reason, stopped working with the company he set up shares for us in. The reason is still unclear to me. I’m slightly anxious about it, and yet I’m hopeful it was for a simple reason like retirement. I’m not sure about how or if this changes what the money means to me. I have no good reason to think otherwise, other than this gut feeling and lack of information.
Thankfully, I live in Portland (where they’re headquartered). Now so I can be more involved in meetings.
In conclusion, I’ve learned in my adult life that it’s not worth buying the cheap version all the time. You just end up spending more money replacing it. The exception would be if it’s a one-use thing anyway. Money determines the quality of the item and, depending on how important it is, it’s worth paying a few extra bucks.
I also learned that it’s ok to be anxious around income that you don’t know much about. It’s easier than ever now to do the research. Just be grateful and assume the best until you know otherwise. There’s no use worrying until you have to.
More reflections on Rendezoom
Listening is key. It’s amazing how easy it is to come into a prospect meeting with an agenda. But really, if we come into this with open ears we might just be surprised at the results.
It’s amazing how starved we are for a good listener. How can we be better listeners for each other? We should make sure our compassionate wells are filled so we can give others the attention they deserve. This is done with enough self-care. Take some time to love yourself each day so you don’t put the pressure on someone else to love you. Love from others comes naturally when we love ourselves.
I found a new perspective on “mindfulness” and meditation. Can I observe and be a part of the present? Can I be thinking about the unknown calmly? Can I sense when the conversation becomes narrow and step back in a clear enough way?
That last question is the hardest for me. It’s something I’m learning every day I work here at the 4FP Agency. What does it mean for a conversation to become narrow?
- When people start saying things on a lower vibration than normal.
- When their worries, negative thoughts, and feelings get in the way.
- When it feels like someone isn’t listening or that the message isn’t being received.
Those three things can be used for good conversations, and there’s a fine line where it turns bad. If you can start out saying your thoughts and fears about a new idea using the right mindset, it will be received graciously. Even if they don’t agree, they can at least acknowledge the validity of the idea and explain why they don’t feel the same way calmly, which continues to help the listening process.
It can go south when the original thoughts/feelings expressed are misunderstood. Misunderstandings happen. How do we take what the other person heard and reword the statement without getting frustrated? It’s hard but possible. How do we make the other person not feel bad for misunderstanding? How can we more easily keep a level head and try to get to the bottom of it? I believe the answer is found in the first question.
It’s so important to remember to breathe and try to observe the situation as a third party. In some situations, it might be necessary for an actual third person to translate, but I encourage you to start by trying to find your neutral and wise self for guidance. Breathing and following the moment are the best ways to do this. Next time you hear someone misinterpret your words, try to sense the frustration boiling inside you and instead choose to breathe into it. And listen. Let the silence provide an opportunity to look at the situation as the observer.
The hard part comes when you decide it’s time to break the silence. Has there been too much silence or not enough? Trust your intuition and the wisdom you were just reminded of. You might be scared that it will come out wrong again. That’s normal. Just keep checking in with your intuition and take note of any sensations that you feel as you say the words. Your body can be your best guide if you let it. If you nurture it.
Be well beautiful humans 🙂
About the Author
I help manage our content and other projects to take a load off of Jake’s plate. My design eye comes into play in quality assurance checks, high-level planning meetings, and sometimes in quick or specific design projects.